Magic in Knowing Marriage is More Than a Wedding

Finding the beauty of marriage by knowing it is more than a wedding and what becoming a wife is like when marriage wasn’t seen as important.

Dear Spirited Earthling,

I never had my dream wedding planned by age twelve.

In fact, for most of my life, I saw marriage as just a piece of paper - a contract, a formality, something people did because they were supposed to. And yet, here I am: happily married, with zero regrets.

I’m not writing this to dismiss weddings (if you’ve been dreaming of yours since childhood, that’s beautiful). I’m writing this for the people who, like me, grew up sceptical. Those who wonder if marriage is worth it, or if it’s just societal pressure wrapped in fancy decor.

Growing Up Without the "Marriage Myth"

My mom raised me and my brother. I never felt like I lacked anything. My mom was everything and more to us.

Yes, I had married couples in my life (my grandparents, aunts and uncles, family friends) but marriage never struck me as necessary. My family was family, with or without a legal document. At catholic school, marriage was naturally recommended. But it still never felt like a prerequisite to being a family.

At university, most of my friends came from single-parent homes too. And something we all had in common (speaking mainly about the girls and me in my residence/dorm) was that we were quite fiercely independent, self-reliant, and resilient. We knew the importance of being able to do things for ourselves. We didn’t need partners. If we had them, it was because we wanted them.

Marriage is just a piece of paper

I used to say this all the time. And in some ways, it’s true. Marriage is a legal contract between you, your partner, and the government (and your God, depending on beliefs).

It was never that I was against it. I just didn’t see it as some grand level-up. I didn’t need a ring or a title to prove my relationship mattered, or be considered a family.

Still, I respected that for others, marriage was sacred. I just didn’t think it would ever be sacred to me.

The Question That Changed Everything

I met my now-husband in university. We talked about everything (including marriage) not because we were planning it, but because we were honest from the start. It was a ‘this is going to be serious or nothing at all’ situation.

When I told a friend about one of these conversations, she asked me: "What does marriage mean to you?"

"Nothing, really," I said.

Then she asked: "What does it mean to him?"

"Everything," I admitted.

She paused, then said: "If it doesn’t matter to you, but it means the world to him… why wouldn’t you say yes?"

And just like that, I realised: I wasn’t giving anything up. I wasn’t compromising. I was just… choosing him.

Never lose sight of the small and seemingly insignificant moments together, for they make up your every day.

Marriage is more than a wedding

Somehow, you get to an age when it seems like everyone is getting married. Social media bombards you with ring pics, wedding hashtags, and honeymoon countdowns.

And honestly? I hated the spectacle. The obsession with ring sizes, the debt-inducing receptions, the way people seemed more excited about one perfect day than the actual marriage. I even heard the term "post-wedding blues" and thought, How? Shouldn’t the best part be the person you’re with?

I judged it all - ironic, coming from someone who saw marriage as "just a piece of paper." But maybe that’s why I cared: because if marriage was going to matter, it shouldn’t be about the wedding.

Why We Said "Yes" (Again and Again)

Daniel proposed on a hike. I said yes.

And then came the inevitable question: "So… when’s the wedding?"

Here’s the thing: We didn’t want a big wedding. Even if we had Elon Musk money, we wouldn’t have spent it on a single day.

Instead, we got married in a German civil ceremony. I wore his gran’s wedding dress. We ate with family in the Bavarian hills. Simple and significant.

Then, we celebrated in a tiny South African beach town with close friends. Later, we had a laid-back gathering in my hometown. Small celebrations to really share with the people we cared about.

No stress. No debt. Just us, the people we loved, and the quiet joy of knowing: This is what marriage feels like.

Okay, we would maybe spend money on a van like this!

What Marriage Means to Me Now

That piece of paper? It’s not just a contract any more.

Something shifted when I became a wife, something I can’t fully explain. I still don’t believe marriage is necessary for love or commitment. But I love being married.

I love choosing Daniel every day. I love building a life together. Likewise, I love knowing I’m complete on my own… but getting to share myself with him anyway.

So, if you’re on the fence about marriage, here’s my advice: Get off it.

If one of you wants it and the other is indifferent? Do it.

Because marriage isn’t about the wedding. It’s about the after - the ordinary, messy, beautiful days that follow.

And those? Those are worth every second.

There can be big love in small moments.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Read where we are now: 10 Lessons For These Great 10 Years Together

Spirited Earthling is more than just a blog – it's a gathering place for kindred spirits drawn by an interest in self-discovery, the appeal of self-care, and a desire for a deeper connection to themselves and the world. It is written and created for curious minds and spiritual hearts seeking meaning in everyday life. This blog aims to help you curate your wholesome personal growth with free weekly ideas and affordable resources for sale.

As you navigate your personal growth journey using the words and ideas shared here, consider sharing this blog with someone looking for inspiration or motivation on their own journey. We are all spirited earthlings, and can lift each other together with mindful, connected living. I deeply appreciate every read, share, and purchase.

Thank you for being part of this community.

Best wishes, warmest regards

Jordan 

[Updated in 2025]

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