Why Comparison is Inevitable – and How to Make It Work for You
Comparison may be inevitable, but it doesn’t have to steal your joy. Learn how to reframe comparison into a tool for growth, self-compassion, and actionable progress.
Dear Spirited Earthling,
Comparing yourself to others is part of being human. It is a way for you to judge how well you are doing and even be a source of inspiration. But comparison has a bad wrap in society. It’s blamed for stealing our joy, fuelling self-doubt, and leaving us feeling inadequate.
The truth is, comparison isn’t inherently good or bad. It’s the lens through which we view it that makes all the difference. For some, comparison can be a motivating force, pushing them to reach new heights. For others, it can become a source of stress and frustration.
The key isn’t to avoid comparison altogether—that’s nearly impossible in today’s hyper-connected world. Instead, choose to make a tool that helps you build your self-development as opposed to a tool that chips away at your spirit.
When Comparison Becomes Toxic
Comparison becomes harmful when it leads to a focus on what’s lacking. It can leave you feeling frustrated, questioning your self-worth, and overwhelmed by the gap between where you are and where you think you should be.
Add onto this that most comparisons aren’t fair. The internet and social media has expanded the comparison pool from your local community to the entire world. Studies have shown the negative effects of social comparison on mental health, from increased anxiety to lower self-esteem. This can the potential for comparison seem inescapable.
Being told to stop comparing or get off social media is unrealistic. So, making comparison work for you is the way to go.
When Comparisons Can Be a Good Thing
Instead of fighting the natural urge to compare, reframe it into a positive force. Comparisons are a good thing when they are constructive:
Motivating growth: Comparing yourself to someone who has achieved what you aspire to can be constructive when you look at their actions and identify what steps you can take to move closer to your own goals. It can identify areas of potential improvement that can motivate your growth.
Encouraging learning: Observing how others handle challenges or relationships can provide valuable insights and inspiration into how you can learn to do the same, lessening any guilt or regret you have for your actions. You could discover new strategies or perspectives that you can apply to your own life.
Allowing healthy competition: Friendly competition can encourage all sides to do their best. Comparing your progress to others in a supportive environment can help you stay motivated and focused.
When done with intention, comparison can be a good thing for growth, learning, and self-improvement.
The Silver Medallist Syndrome
There’s a fascinating phenomenon in psychology known as the “silver medallist syndrome.” Studies show that while gold medallists are the happiest (naturally), bronze medallists are often happier than silver medallists. Why? Because bronze medallists are thrilled just to be on the podium, while silver medallists focus on how close they were to winning gold.
This highlights how our comparisons shape our emotions. We don’t just compare ourselves to others – we compare our outcomes to the most likely alternative. Recognising this can help us reframe our perspective and focus on the progress we’ve made, rather than what we’ve “missed out on.”
How to Make Comparisons Work for You
Here are some ideas or actionable steps to turn comparison into a tool for growth:
Acknowledge Before Reframing
It’s okay to feel frustrated, jealous, or even inadequate when comparing yourself to others. These emotions are normal and don’t need to be suppressed. Allow yourself to think, “I wish I had that opportunity” or “I wish I were further along.”
Once you’ve acknowledged these feelings, begin to reframe them. Shift your focus to what’s within your control. What steps can you take to move closer to your goals? Sometimes, reframing the lack you feel can inspire you to create something entirely new.
Recognise their Circumstances
When comparing yourself to someone else, remember that circumstances play a significant role in any success. Luck, privilege, and connections often contribute to outcomes. Acknowledging this isn’t about making excuses - it’s about being kinder to yourself and recognising that your journey is unique.
Identify What You’re Envious Of
Envy can be a powerful teacher. What exactly are you envious of? Is it financial freedom, a thriving career, or a balanced lifestyle? Identifying this can help you channel your energy into actionable steps to create that for yourself.
Define Your Next Milestone
Instead of fixating on the end goal, focus on your next milestone: more engagement, forming passive income sources, working out 5 times a week. Breaking your overarching goal (direction) into smaller, actionable steps helps create momentum. This can also help to avoid analysis paralysis because you know where to start and what the next step is. Doing a brain dump of the different tasks and then prioritising / organising them gives you an idea of what needs to be done first.
Recognise Your Progress and Circumstances
We often compare “up” and forget how far we’ve come. Take time to reflect on your growth and achievements. Think about how others might see you in their comparisons. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small they may seem.
Comparison can sometimes be isolating. Having a community that supports and understands you can help lessen the sting of comparison and celebrate you when you need it.
Be Kind to Yourself
Finally, be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that growth is a journey, and it’s okay to move at your own pace. Speaking kindly to yourself and boosting your confidence with self-compassion can help you focus on your own journey.
In all of this, ground yourself in gratitude and mindfulness. When you feel the weight of comparison, take a breath and moment to reflect on what you’re grateful for. Ask yourself: Is this comparison helping me grow, or is it holding me back? Mindfulness can help you catch those moments and choose a more constructive path.
Comparison doesn’t have to be the thief of joy. By shifting your perspective and using it as a tool for growth, you can turn comparison into an ally on your journey. Remember, your path is unique. And the only person you should strive to be better than is the person you were yesterday. If you feel comfortable to, share your journey with comparison and how you were able to use it to help you grow in the comments.
Spirited Earthling is more than just a blog – it's a gathering place for kindred spirits drawn by an interest in self-discovery, the appeal of self-care, and a desire for a deeper connection to themselves and the world. It is written and created for curious minds and spiritual hearts seeking meaning in everyday life. This blog aims to help you curate your wholesome personal growth with free weekly ideas and affordable resources for sale.
As you navigate your personal growth journey using the words and ideas shared here, consider sharing this blog with someone looking for inspiration or motivation on their own journey. We are all spirited earthlings, and can lift each other together with mindful, connected living. I deeply appreciate every read, share, and purchase.
Thank you for being part of this community.
Best wishes, warmest regards
Jordan
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