Making friends as an adult can be challenging. Here are some ideas on how to find your tribe, tips for conversation starters, and ways to nurture your tribe when you find them.

Dear Spirited Earthling,

Valentine’s Week is here! While the world celebrates romantic love, it’s also the perfect time to reflect on the other forms of love that enrich our lives - friendship, fellowship, and the deep connections we share with our chosen family - our tribe. Making friends as an adult isn’t always easy, and finding your tribe can sometimes feel impossible. Though this is published during Valentine’s Week, its message is evergreen – having a supportive community is essential to a happy life. Bookmark it, share it, and return to it whenever you need a reminder of the power of community.

What Does ‘Your Tribe’ Mean?

Your tribe is a group of people who are there for you at your worst, celebrate you at your best, and support you always. They are like-minded individuals who share your values, encourage your growth, and celebrate your authenticity. They don’t all need to be friends with each other - what matters is that they are friends with you and how they make you feel. Your tribe is your safe space, your cheerleaders, and your sounding board. They’re the ones who remind you of your worth and help you navigate life’s ups and downs.

Why Having a Tribe Matters

Humans have survived and thrived throughout history because we lived and moved in tribes. These tribes looked after one another, shared resources, offered protection, and passed down stories. Even today, we are wired to seek connection - to be seen, heard, and understood. It’s no wonder that being isolated from society is considered a punishment (think prisons, solitary confinement, or even the naughty corner).

Being a part of a caring social community is a great support for your mental health. Your tribe provide emotional support, and stress and anxiety levels lower when you feel safe and cared for. There is a sense of belonging that reminds you that you aren’t alone. When you are surrounded by people who believe in you, you believe in yourself more easily. This can help your confidence and self-love.

The people around you may influence you more than you may realise, and knowing who and what influences you is incredibly important. An important reason why your tribe matters is that they will challenge you when you need it, help you problem-solve and gain perspective, hold you accountable, remind you of your worth, and support your dreams. In essence, when you find your tribe, you will grow – personally, professionally, spiritually, and within relationships.

a group of friends having a beach picnic - why having a tribe matters and how to find one

How to Find Your Tribe

Loneliness and disconnection are becoming all too common. A quick scroll through Reddit reveals countless posts from people feeling lonely and unsure of how to make friends as adults. They know they need connection but are nervous to put themselves out there or haven’t found the right people yet. The truth is, finding your tribe doesn’t happen overnight for most of us. But with intention, effort, and a little courage, it’s absolutely possible. And trust me, you’re worth the effort. Here are some ideas to get started on finding your tribe:

Identify Your Values and Interests

Finding your tribe starts with understanding yourself. After all, it’s easier to connect with people who share your values and interests. So, start with a little self-reflection. Ask yourself:

What makes me happy?
What do I enjoy doing in my free time? Or, what would I like to do in my free time?
What do I care about?

Your answers might include things like fitness, social activism, arts and culture, or a love for books. Maybe it’s one passion or many—there’s no right or wrong here. The key is to identify what lights you up and then seek out activities or groups where you can meet like-minded people.

But it’s not just about shared interests. Think about the qualities and values you want in your tribe:

What kind of people do I feel most comfortable around?
What kind of friendships am I craving right now - deep and meaningful or light and fun?
What kind of energy do I want in my space: inspiring, grounded, stable, playful?
Am I looking for deep conversations or casual hangouts?

When you’re clear on what you’re looking for, it becomes easier to focus on the people who truly align with you. These insights can help guide your search and help you build a community that feels like home.

Overcoming Fears and Insecurities About Putting Yourself Out There

Now that you know your values, interests, and what you’re looking for, it’s time to tackle one of the biggest hurdles: the fear of putting yourself out there. Let’s be real - putting yourself out there can feel vulnerable. It’s normal to feel nervous about meeting new people, especially when there’s a fear of rejection or being judged. But here’s the thing: you’re not alone in feeling this way.

As social creatures, we’re wired to seek acceptance and belonging. It is why rejection can sting so much. But here’s the good news: chances are, the people you’re trying to connect with are feeling just as insecure as you are (even if they’re better at hiding it).

Rejection is just redirection. It’s not easy to hear, but it’s true: just because certain people aren’t your tribe doesn’t mean no one else will be. When one door closes, another opens. Trust that the universe has your back, and have faith that the right people will come into your life at the right time.

Building authentic relationships requires vulnerability, and that’s a strength, not a weakness. It’s better to be liked for who you truly are than for a version of yourself that isn’t real. You deserve to be appreciated for who you are. And remember, you don’t have to dive into the deep end right away. Starting small can help take the pressure off and make the process feel more manageable.

Start Small to Meet New People

You don’t have to jump into the deep end to learn to swim. You can start in the shallows where you can still stand, and head out into deeper waters when you feel more confident. Here are some low-pressure ways to meet new people:

Joining a running club, hiking club or yoga studio gives you a shared activity to do with the chance of light conversation before or after. This idea of a club is extended to any activity – climbing, water polo, ice-hockey.
A book club can help you find fellow reads. There are some clubs that read a specific genre and others that read from different genres, depending on what you’re looking for.
If you’re interested in art, attend exhibitions and events in museums and use the art pieces to start a conversation.
Taking part in a course can help you meet new people. This could be a group guitar lesson, an art class, or learning a new language. It could be an evening class related to progressing in your profession.
Show your caring heart by talking to fellow volunteers at local charities, soup kitchens, or animal shelters. Giving back is good for you and is a way to meet like-minded people.
Online communities are also accessible places to make friends. Some great friendships can be made on forums, gaming sites, and communities based on interests. Just remember to balance online interactions with real-life meetups, like grabbing coffee or going for a walk together.

If you are not interested in drinking alcohol, looking to meet friends at bars may not be the best option. Volunteering at an animal shelter when you aren’t a fan of animals is not a good idea. Be genuine in your approach so you can make genuine connections.

Keeping things small also relates to the size of your tribe. You don’t need to a huge tribe – think more quality over quantity. Even one or two meaningful relationships can make a world of difference. By putting yourself in places where people share your values or interests, you’ll naturally start meeting people who feel like a good fit for your tribe.

two friends looking at a phone to show how to find your tribe and build a supportive community

Make the First Move – How to Approach People

The first step is often the hardest, but it’s also the most important. Starting conversations with new people can feel intimidating, and it’s normal to want to wait for others to reach out first. But building a relationship requires effort from both sides, so let yours be the first. Here are some ways to start putting yourself out there and finding your tribe:

Look for someone standing alone or a small group: It can feel awkward to join a group of people who already know each other, but give it a try. If someone opens the circle for you or asks you a question, thank them afterward for including you.
Invite someone for coffee or a walk: If you hit it off with someone, suggest meeting up for coffee or grabbing a takeaway and going for a walk in the park. Sometimes, having a shared activity (and less direct eye contact) can make the conversation flow more easily.
Be yourself: Show up as your authentic self. Be open to giving and receiving, and let the connection unfold naturally.

Sometimes, all it takes is one small invitation to begin building a meaningful connection.

Conversation Starters

Starting a conversation with someone new can feel intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. Here are some simple, effective ways to break the ice and keep the conversation flowing. Whether you’re at an event, in a class, or just out and about, these tips will help you connect with others naturally. Remember, an introduction is as simple as: “Hi, I’m [Your Name]. I don’t think we’ve met before!” Adding a follow-up question makes it easier to keep the conversation flowing.

1.Use the Environment

Commenting on something around you is a light and easy way to start a conversation. It feels natural and doesn’t put too much pressure on either person. Here are some examples of using the environment as a conversation starter:

This place has such a cool vibe – have you been here before?
I’m really enjoying this class. Have you been coming for long?
This is one of my favourite trails to hike, have you hiked it before?
I noticed you’re reading [book title], how are you liking it so far?
Oh, you have blended those colours so well – do you have a tip on how to do it?
You seem to know a lot about what was spoken about in class today, did you listen to a podcast or read a book on it? I’d love some recommendations if you have.

2.Give a Compliment

A genuine compliment is a great way to start a conversation. It shows you’re paying attention and creates a positive tone.

I love your jacket! Where did you get it? I’ve been looking for something similar.
Your presentation was amazing! How long have you been working on that topic?
Your dog is adorable! What’s their name?

group of male friends spending time together

3. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions invite the other person to share more than just a “yes” or “no” answer. They’re a great way to get a conversation started and keep the conversation flowing.

What brought you here today?
How do you know the host?
What did you think of the lecture/event?
If you could visit any place in the world, where would it be and why?
What’s a hobby or interest you’ve always wanted to try?
If you could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, who would it be and why?

People love sharing their expertise or thoughts. Asking for someone’s opinion on a recent book, movie, or even a topic they care about gives them a chance to share their knowledge.

4. Follow-Up Questions to Keep the Conversation Going

Once the conversation starts, keep it flowing by asking follow-up questions based on what the other person shares. This shows you’re listening and interested in what they have to say.

That’s so interesting! How did you get into that?
What do you enjoy most about [what they mentioned]?
What’s been your favourite part of [their hobby / job / trip] so far?
Do you have any recommendations for someone who’s just starting out?
What’s next for you in [their interest / project]?
Speaking of [topic], have you ever…/ do you think…?

Actively listening allows you to ask relevant follow-up questions. If they mention they like to travel, ask them about their favourite destinations or best trip recently. Maybe they regularly mention reading a book or listening to a podcast about different topics – ask for recommendations or their favourite book / podcast. If they mention a hobby, ask how long they’ve been doing it or what got them into it.

5. Be Mindful of Body Language and Non-verbal Ques

Pay attention to non-verbal cues to gauge how the conversation is going.

Engaged and Open: If the person is maintaining eye contact, smiling, and contributing to the conversation, keep it going!
Distracted or Closed: If they’re looking around, crossing their arms, or giving short answers, it might be time to wrap up the conversation politely.

Remember, not every conversation will lead to a deep connection – which is normal and completely okay. The goal is to be open, kind, and curious. If you’re doing that, you will attract the right people.

6. Online Conversation Starters

If you’re connecting with people in online communities, these tips can help:

“I loved what you shared about [topic]. It really resonated with me because…”
“Your post was so inspiring! How did you get started with [their interest]?”
“I’m new to this group and would love to hear your thoughts on [topic].”

How to Nurture Your Tribe

Once you’ve made connections and have found your tribe, you will need to nurture the relationships. Here are some ways to nurture your tribe:

Be kind and supportive: Small acts of kindness, such as telling your friend how much they mean to you or celebrating their achievements, can strengthen your bond.
Show up consistently: Be there to share their joy in the good times and be there to be a shoulder to cry on in the bad times. Some of my best friendships are with people I don’t speak to every week, but when we see each other, it’s as if we have never been apart. People are busy and life goes by quickly, so even communicating with a simple text like, “I’m thinking of you,” can go a long way.
Actively listen: Show an interest in their lives, listen to their interests and their stories.
Maintain boundaries: Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect, where you aren’t overextending yourself and you aren’t expecting others to for you.
Be intentional: Prioritise the friendship by catching up once a week or monthly. If you’re in the same place have a coffee date, and if you're not then a call date.

Celebrate Your Tribe

This Valentine’s Week (and every week) take time to celebrate your tribe and the love you share. Host a gathering, plan a virtual hangout, or simply send a heartfelt message saying, “I’m so grateful for you.” Small gestures can strengthen your bonds and remind your tribe how much they mean to you.

The most important thing is to be authentic. People are drawn to genuine energy, so don’t stress about saying the “perfect” thing. Focus on being curious, kind, and open - the rest will follow.

Love isn’t limited to romantic relationships. It’s found in the laughter you share with friends, the support you give and receive, and the sense of belonging that comes from being part of a community. Whether you’re still searching for your tribe or nurturing the one you have, remember this: meaningful connections are worth the effort. And you are worthy of finding (and being) part of a tribe that lifts you up, celebrates you, and reminds you that you’re never alone.

I’d love to hear from you! How do you celebrate your tribe? Or, if you’re still searching for yours, what’s one step you’ll take this week to put yourself out there? Share in the comments below!

Spirited Earthling is more than just a blog – it's a gathering place for kindred spirits drawn by an interest in self-discovery, the appeal of self-care, and a desire for a deeper connection to themselves and the world. It is written and created for curious minds and spiritual hearts seeking meaning in everyday life. This blog aims to help you curate your wholesome personal growth with free weekly ideas and affordable resources for sale.

As you navigate your personal growth journey using the words and ideas shared here, consider sharing this blog with someone looking for inspiration or motivation on their own journey. We are all spirited earthlings, and can lift each other together with mindful, connected living. I deeply appreciate every read, share, and purchase.

Thank you for being part of this community.

Best wishes, warmest regards

Jordan

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How to Find Your Tribe and Build a Supportive Community